June 21, 1892,
It is a shame that father is fighting the white soldiers with the other men of the tribe. I know that he would have had a great appreciation for this calm summer day. Because of the weather, I had no issue with mother informing me that one of my chores for today was collecting dead tree branches for fire wood. While fulfilling this task, I took extra time in taking in the beauty of this day. After I returned home, I asked mother if she knew how long today’s weather would last. To my great satisfaction, mother told me that this warm weather would last. Knowing this, I will make it a daily priority for me to spend as much time enjoying this beautiful weather as possible.
June 23, 1892,
When attempting to leave home in order to enjoy the day, mother stopped me. She told me that the white men were pushing back father and the other men. She informed me that it would be too dangerous to leave our settlement and risk being captured, or worse, by the white men. Even though I understand why mother was worried, the white soldiers probably would not be close to our home for days. So, while mother was busy preparing breakfast, I quickly left our settlement so that I could enjoy the day. I am writing this journal entry as I am fulfilling this act.
June 30, 1892,
I should have listened to mother. While I was walking back home, a felt a sharp pain in my head and then fell to the ground. I know now that it was a white soldier who did this to me. If I had heeded my mother’s warning, I might have had time to escape the white men. So, as I am writing this journal entry, I have already been taken to what the white men call Pennsylvania. The soldiers attempted to communicate with me, but I could not understand their strange language. It was not until a white translator arrived, that I was able to understand what the soldiers were telling me. He spoke to me in a very calm and soothing manner. This man, whose name was John, told me that I would live at a place called, the Carlisle Indian School. He continued on, saying that I would be living with people from other tribes, and, as he said, “civilize me.” I am only hoping that what “civilizing me” entails will not be too drastic.
July 28, 1892,
In the past month, I have come to realize what John meant when he said that I would be “civilized.” When I first arrived at the Carlisle Indian School, they cut my hair after I struggled to refuse. The next change that they forced on me was teaching me their language. I had to repeatedly study this language multiple times daily. Every time I attempted to speak my own language I was yelled at, and sometimes hit. According to their logic, I would be better accepted in their society if I were fluent in their language. Along with that, I was forced to adopt the whites' religious beliefs, and oust my own for the same social reasons. All of this is compounded by the overall strictness of this place that I now must call home. I must behave a certain way, and obey all of their strict deadlines for every aspect of my existence, or risk punishment. While here, they have forced me to adopt the name, Catherine. The only reason why I have been permitted to use this journal again is only because I have shown signs of improvement in my understanding of their language. The white people say that they are doing all of this for my social benefit, but if this is a small example of white society, I would much rather go back to my life in my real, “savage,” home.
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